I wrote this journal entry a few days prior to making the choice to leave the yoga studio scene...for now? forever? I do not know. This is simply an honest share. This is not attacking any particular studio or yoga studios in general. This is solely my experience, a reflection of asteya (a yama/restraint from the eight limbed path of yoga) - being cool with who I am.
The choice to say goodbye can be sweet. As I sit in the studio a few days before I make the call to leave I feel relief - not because I'm happy to leave or an ugly encounter is over. It's because I know this is the right time. I'm ready to see what is beyond these four walls.
This studio isn't what it use to be for me and that is okay. In fact I believe it's completely normal. I am settled with knowing that the rush, confusion, and joy from my first class has passed. I am accepting that the sweat and bucket of tears needed from teacher training has passed.
I am admitting that I spent money, "acted" like a yoga teacher all to fit the brand. These mistakes I don't see as regrets, rather a fog. It was through exposure to other styles of yoga, personal readings, getting real and honest about my practice (to only me), and being provided an opportunity to teach without expectations - that the fog had an opportunity to clear and my authenticity smacked me in the face. Money, brands, and scripts are not yoga.
With these wide range of emotions I still have nothing but respect and endless love for my first studio. I am where I am at today, prepared to make the call because of the voice this practice developed.
Why is this goodbye sweet? Because there is no doubt.